Pagans to Collect Royalties for Christmas

For thousands of years Christians have been borrowing bits and pieces of celebration symbols from local pagans. Even the date, December 25th, corresponds to the winter solstice of the sun's movement (based on the older calendar).

The modern legal framework now allows the pagans to collect royalties on the commercial usage of items such as the decorated pine tree, mistletoe, holly, and other favorites of the holiday usually known as "Christmas". "It should be called Paganmas," said pagan Billy Fyrebrin.

GOP To Repeal Osama Bin Laden's Death

The Republican Party believes there is insufficient evidence, and possibly that the Obama adminstration is getting too much credit for Bin Laden's death, according to inside sources. Thus, they have agreed to file for a repeal of Bin Laden's death. "Obama did it all wrong, so we are going to start over and do it like real Americans should," said House Speaker, John Boehner (R).

Kim Jong Jr. Displays His Youthful Dictator Style

Kim Jong Jr., the reigning son of the recently deceased ruler of North Korea, showed that his style of dictatorship is more youthful and friendlier than that of his father. Junior dictates that each citizen is to always dress up like their favorite Pokemon character. Those caught without a costume are forced to dress as Team Rocket, the show's villain team.