Al Qaeda Halts US Economy by Bombing Columbia

Al Qaeda has discovered that caffeine is the secret to American economic success and used that knowledge to bring it to a grinding halt by bombing Columbia. Coffee fields have been set ablaze via a burning oil-like substance dropped from Al Qaeda airplanes over Columbia. The head of the Department of Homeland Security was not available for comment, asleep at his desk according to ABC reporters.

Hamas Space Program Needs Your Help!

Gaza's space agency: Hamas Glory to the Stars, needs funding to help its rockets reach orbit. So far they have been falling short, usually landing in Israel. They keep experimenting with new fuels and rocket designs, but so far they still can't reach orbit, landing in Israeli neighborhoods. They are now asking for outside donations to help them purchase better rocket parts.

La Raza to Fly Fluoride Plane into Washington Monument

According to Fox News, La Raza is planning to fly a fluoride-filled plane into the Washington Monument. The pilot is a gay atheist ex-ACORN worker.